Your Daughter: Mommy, how did you meet daddy?
You: Well I was going into a hotel and saw your dad as soon as he came out of the elevator. We bumped into each other, and in that moment when I first I laid my eyes on him, I fell in love with him.
Him: If thats what you want to call stalking and trying to run past security, into the elevator and jumping on top of me while screaming in my ear then fine, thats what happened
blackstanlee: hannameth: i just saw porn on my dash and gagged gagged on what?
i don’t know how to not curse i’ll mean to say, “ooh, this is pretty” and it will come out as THIS IS THE NICEST FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE it’s a problem
thelegendofgallifrey: Blue Oyster Cult - Don’t...
knitmeapony: Who invented the blow job? Like, who wakes up one day and thinks “today, I will suck a dick”
Radio: I threw a wish in the well. Don't ask me, I'll never tell. I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way.
Radio: I'd trade my soul for a wish. Pennies and dimes for a kiss. I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way.
Radio: Your stare was holdin'. Ripped jeans, skin was showin'.
Radio: Hot night, wind was blowin'.
Me: WHERE YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING BABY.
tltty: i just wanna illegally watch a movie online man i aint tryna fuck no single busty russians in my area
Reblog if you want Anons to tell you who they ship...
WARNING: Trenchers Only: The last GIF in your... →
thelifesavingparachute: t-obiasmellark: odairsmysugarcubes: sterek-hale: thecoolestpirate: rainbowslushee: whenindoubtapplymoreglitter: chxnce: redhoodiestiles: timetravelingslytherinincamelot: captain-snark: … very accurate.
friend: i stayed up so late last night omg im so tired
me: oh really same when did you go to bed?
friend: like 12:30 or 1 ugh
me: wOW that's reALLY laTE
Josh: Yeah we don't know if its Kyra or Kira, I think its Kira
Mike: I think its Kira
Josh: I'm willing to put money down on that it's Kira
Mike: There's one of us who would bet that there's a 30% chance that 15% of the time it's Kyra
Matt: Could be Keith
Josh: I don't think it's Keith
letmesayiloveyou: i have a lot of clothes for someone who basically wears the same three outfits over and over again
if there’s a hot person wearing a band shirt on public transport I’ll try talk about the band really loudly to whoever I’m with or listen to them really loudly on my ipod, just to let them know that I too like that band and that we should have sex
furrys: im afraid that school is going to conflict with my blog so i cant go
methlabrador: in 3 short years kids who were born in 2000 will be 15 and that is the most horrifying thing ive realized in a long long time
abunchoftwats: oscarstardis: liveinphoenix: ricksanscrotum: albus severus potter is literally the worst name ever bronx mowgli wentz begs to differ Renesmee Carlie Cullen